The “Suave’s” large size and seamlessly sweeping shapes channel Earth’s gravitational energy unfairly in its direction. This adds considerably to its ability to attract the ladies.

The “Math Whiz” can only be achieved by first finding the variable “x”. It is rarely seen, because the needed equation is kept fiercely secret within social math geek circles.

It takes a degree of confidence and all-American swagger to push aside any attention to modern styling trends, and sport the “Classic Redneck”. Appropriate accessories include a four wheel drive pickup with gun rack. (pick-up optional)

The “Chrome Dome” shine is no accident. Floor polishing compound is the secret ingredient in making this presentation possible. Sadly, male pattern baldness is also the main side effect.

“Strike first, strike hard”, but no mercy will be shown while sporting “The Dojo.” Warning: An insufficient attempt at fabricating “The Dojo” may result in contusions about the head and torso.